Vanna’s Neighborhood

I've spent the past two days in a hardcore vegetative state, recovering from the Christmas festivities. It has been delightful.

• The movie "Enchanted" is damn enchanting. So winsome and charming with the fairytale hooha and the princess saving her prince. I kinda loved it.
• However, I also watched "My Fair Lady" and it kinda bugged me. The whole "what good is a woman" bullshit didn't sit well with me. I'm considering it dropping it from the best musicals ever list (which includes Singin' in the Rain; Funny Face; West Side Story; Moulin Rouge; and the TV show Glee).
• For Christmas I bought these flashing penguin lights. They are adorable and apparently sound activated. Things that will turn on the lights: Coughing, laughing, opening a can of Diet Coke with Lime. Things that don't turn on the lights: Whistling (though this does get both the cats to come down stairs); singing John Mellencamp songs.
• Whoever decided that something called a "fruit and nut caramel" would be a good idea to put in a box of chocolates should be kicked in the fruit and/or nuts.
• I have to read two books this week to make my RP2009 goal of 56 books. One of the books I'm in the midst of is a graphic novel, I'd think this would be a sure thing but the thing is a doorstop.
  
• Tuesday is Musical Night at Supergenius HQ where Jaycie, Max, and I will be watching Funny Face and all three High School Musicals while eating Chinese Food and drinking hot cocoa. Try not to be jealous.
• For Christmas I got a cheese grater and an electric pencil sharpener -- two things I really wanted.
• Also I conned Ericka into giving me a William Shakespeare action figure. Sweet.
• Finally, two more posts and I win this challenge. Double sweet!
  

In February 2010 we will contest the 10th annual Karaoke to the Death X, and I intend to take home the trophy and enshrine myself in the pantheon of KttD greats. It will be an uphill climb. As often discussed, I have a number of things going against me.

The first, and most difficult obstacle I have to overcome, is my unvarnished enjoyment of attention, good or bad. Your typical modern KttD winner is a tone-deaf introvert who despises being the center of attention. These natural champions have an uncomfortable and displeasing stage presence that simply can't be faked. Hotrod has famously ridden this trait to two KttD championships in the modern era, an historic accomplishment. I go into the competition understanding that I'm going to have to triumph despite my comparative ease on stage.

But KttD is first and foremost a bad singing contest, so being at ease on stage -- while not optimal -- is not a deal breaker. In the singing department, my greatest asset is a powerful voice (easily the loudest in the field) that can be strained to vulgar frequencies given the "right" song. When I won KttD it was the happy marriage of this powerful instrument and Chicago's warbling "If You Leave Me Now" that propelled me ahead of the competition.

Since my victory in KttD V, I have never again factored in the voting, nor have I ever been a factor in the final voting. Part of this can be attributed to a significant, tournament-wide upswing in the overall level of competition, but I think a bigger factor has been my inability to find that perfect song to match my voice.

So I'm going a different direction this year. In the past, I typically shot for bad songs that I secretly loved (If You Leave Me Now, How Deep is Your Love, More Than a Feelin', etc.) but now I'm looking for songs that I wholeheartedly despise. I think this is the key to help me find my muse. Below is the current leader in the clubhouse.

A couple of hours ago, I got home from my annual December tour of the flyovers.  Here are a few of the highlights:

• I kicked my sister's ass at Rummikub.  It's mostly a game of chance, so it's not as satisfying as a Scrabble victory.  But the important thing is that I won.  A lot.
• I watched Elf as I wrapped presents for the unknownth year in a row.  It was weird that I wasn't wrapping presents on Christmas Eve this year.
• My ploy to buy the love of my nieces and nephews through cool presents continues apace.
• I went to see Up in the Air by myself on Christmas Eve.  That was a little ironic, but I enjoyed it anyway.
• I'm sick and tired of coming home sick and tired.  I'll settle for just tired if my sister agrees not to bring sick kids from here on out.
  

My favorite Christmas Carol is "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman." It is probably no coincidence that this is also the only actual Christmas carol mentioned by name in "A Christmas Carol." The Christmas in my head is a decidedly English affair, and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen strikes me as the most English of carols.

I got a yen to hear my favorite Christmas song earlier today, so I headed on over to iTunes to buy myself a copy. I was hoping for a version sung by fat, jolly English baritone types, possibly with an orchestra. This is what I got.

Tidings of comfort and joy

2 comments

Nothing reminds you of all your weird single-person-who-lives-alone quirks like having a guest for an extended period of time. Kelli's here for the holidays and I pity her having to deal with me. I sing. A lot.

Every once in awhile I remember that someone else is here and I feel like this:

On June 6, 2010 it will be 20 years since I graduated high school. You know what that means, right? Yeah, yeah I'm old. I don't fucking care. It also means that this summer is my 20th High School Reunion an auspicious event rendered totally pointless and infinitely more annoying by the advent of Facebook.

Tonight I've put up with the incessant nagging of someone I don't even remember. Apparently this yahoo has scanned in our senior yearbook and was puzzled that he couldn't find my picture. I told him I was too busy designing the yearbook (nerd, I know) to get my picture taken. He was convinced I had a maiden name I was unwilling to reveal.

I never thought I'd be that person, but here I am. The person who has absolutely no desire at all to attend any of their high school reunions. People tell me I'll regret not going that I should totally go, it's so fun. Maybe I'm close-minded but I don't see how hanging out in some godforsaken bar in East Fucking Bethel, MN with people I don't know is going to be fun.

And really wasn't the whole point of the reunion to see who married whom, who got fat and how many kids they had? I know all that already, from Facebook. I like Facebook infinitely more than I liked high school. And thanks to Facebook I won't have to drive to East Fucking Bethel, MN to attend the reunion, I'll can just look at all the pictures and judge people from the comfort of my own home.

The Greater Washington Metropolitan area suffered a snowpocalypse this weekend, and I've been apartment-bound with CarrieNation for going on 36 hours now. If Facebook is any indication, people are just beside themselves about all their lost productivity during The Great Blizzard of 2009, but we think it's just dandy. I don't know how long it would take me to get bored of hanging out with my wife, watching movies, reading books and playing video games, but I'm willing to find out. 

I've never been a big fan of dance music. It might have something to do with the fact that I can't dance...or that most dance music sucks, or maybe it's a little from column A and a little from column B.

Not only have I never been a big fan of dance music, but there has also never been a time in my life at which I've had less use for it. I was never a big clubber (clubbite) even as a young single fellow. Now that I'm married I can think of approximately 7,000 things I'd rather do than go to a dance club, including #4,506 (staring into middle space) and #5,092 (flicking around a ball of lint).

So it is a little surprising to me that my new favorite artist is kabillion-selling dance-pop sensation Lady Gaga.

It started when I downloaded her ubiquitous hit Poker Face in an effort to make our wedding playlist more relevant to the young folks. Unlike most dance music, which I find gets worse with repeated listening, I found myself coming back to Ms. Gaga's weird ode to whatever it is she's singing about. Lately I've been scouring YouTube for more gaga clips, including my latest favorite, Bad Romance.